There is an absurdity to daylight savings time. The clock’s rigidity dictates our day every day, and it bends for no one living in the same place, except for twice a year when we casually, uniformly move it forwards or backwards. My friend Tally pointed out once how she finds it odd that something so foundational just magically changes, uneasy in trying to keep the balance: changing the clock without altering our perception of it.
Maybe I’m remembering this random twig from a tangential conversation because I think I’ve been thinking in resolution format the last two weeks. It wasn’t on my mind like a buzz feed. My natural reflections have been rounding into declarative sentences, and I realized them for what they are this dark morning with grey rain dribbling around the house.
For those of us who make New Year’s resolutions at the end of the year, I think we’re doing two things:
- playing with our perception of time both physically and mentally
- working out the knots of the current year.
If you’re like I am, the end of the day has your left arm crooked over your right shoulder as you rub between your neck and your shoulder blade. I’m not lying when I say my physical knot and my mental knot have been greeting each other.
2016 gave me 4 seasons in an imperfect house that I truly love. It’s got a crack in the old stain glass door that has too much character to be replaced, and it’s a representative of the ways prayers are answered sometimes. I have so much gratitude for this year, but you already know that I hope.
The small list for 2017 I share here doesn’t include the usual stuff regarding, for example, healthier living or career goals. It’s also not focused on motherhood because I’m confident I’ll keep major tabs on that and come back here to work out the stuff that’s on my mind. Also, long resolution lists can leave us feeling that we didn’t instead of we tried, no? I guess this list is truly personal.
I’m keeping the focus short so that a long year’s path has more chance to bear fruit.
- Have 3 trips however basic or grand they can be. One with my family. One with Kal. One with me. I’ve envisioned going by myself to the Grand Canyon. A renewed mom can go a long way for the family. Also, I relationshiped and married young, and I’d like to still learn more about myself independently of marriage and children during these years. I want to sit on the edge of somewhere beautiful and be my own company. Listening/viewing this song from my friend inspires that feeling each time.
- Make real, steadfast, true, and just-as-important block-out dates. I’ve only done this three times this year, and one of those times was for my friend. I grabbed her calendar and wrote something similar to, “Do not plan anything for this weekend. Family/Me time!” A month later, she thanked me for that clearing. God willing and the creek don’t rise, before January, I’m setting up my phone calendar with block-out dates and times that are first for me and second for my family. I say it in this order because I know I’ll naturally give up any of the me for the family, and I’m going to try to balance out that tendency with written word. I encourage Kal to do the same thing. My consistent personal goals will stall if I parcel out time pockets liberally. The block-out times will be just as observed as the “Bday party for ___ @ 2-4 at Catch Air” or “Dinner with ladies @ 7 pm.”
- Part ways with self-deprecating humor. I think I tend to poke fun of myself to make conversation or to make people feel at ease, and sometimes I warp some of my biggest insecurities through that natural habit. Wanting to be real and identify with people may give other people ease (or maybe it does the opposite, really), but it can leave me with a residue, making me wonder what picture I’ve created, what eighth of a story I’ve told flippantly. I think I’m done with my 20s (well, of course), where being real in that way made me feel I was being down to earth. I’ll try to stay grounded down and earthy without making myself feel bad in the process. There’s so many other ways that conversation can hold hands and feel the sun.
I’ll leave you with this definition as you appreciate your year and then work out your knots:
Definition of resolution
- 1: the act or process of resolving as
a : the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones
b : the act of answering solving
c : the act of determining
What part of the process do you want to focus on? What is something your 2016 knots has revealed to you?
As always, I’d love to be inspired by you.