I’ve wanted to write this blog for years. Like many things, I found valid reasons to ignore the urge. After my first child was born, I remember being up at 3 am preparing to pump milk for Layla’s 6 am feed thinking I could somehow trick the system and get a few more hours sleep. I had just finished reading one of the most influential non-parenting books, and I felt a nagging responsibility to myself.
I latched on the cones and turned on the engine, propped up the laptop and started writing down Layla’s birth story. I didn’t write with creative merits in mind; I just wrote so I wouldn’t forget. I wanted so desperately to wear a badge that said, “I’m starting to understand now.” In just a few short weeks, I felt on top of something that I was at the bottom of for over 9 months. I felt like I walked up to generations of women in my family, put my hand in theirs, and got connected to a sorority of sorts. The first few weeks after a baby is born jumpstarts something that even the best imagination can’t quite figure out, and this new experience fascinated me deeply. But while the machine shrugged on, I could already sense fear–a fear I’d forget the beauty associated with any stage of my newly-found motherhood.
So here it is. I want this to be a place to write things down because I know I want to remember them, a place to share some things I’ve realized are important to me, a place to tap into my bucket list, a place where I can leave footprints so I can search for them when I’m lost, a place to reflect on my experiences as a woman and a mother, a place to enjoy cravings, a place where I can consider the next step, and most of all, a place to enjoy things that make me happy.
Over four years have passed since that night. Here, too, is a new beginning.
Thanks for reading with an open heart and for giving me your time.